Being the tragic tale of an ugly boy and his dream of rescuing the Orb of Zot from the depths of the Stone Soup dungeon.
All his life, Binkle Splurf had listened to his father’s tales of adventure and heroism, and felt nothing but shame at his own lack of physical strength. And good looks. And charisma. And courage. One day though, having yet again endured his father’s withering glares across the dinner table, he made up his mind to do something about it; “I will delve into the depths of the Stone Soup dungeon and return with the fabled Orb of Zot, and win my father’s approval!”
Setting off with his father’s prized dagger, and a blowgun he had made in Craft & Design at school, the courageous young kobold descended into the Dungeon…
Having barely stepped away from the staircase, he spotted the sleeping form of a goblin. Carefully, ever so carefully, he tiptoed up to the ugly creature, raised his knife and…
Stabbed it in the head, before it had a chance to fight back. “Perhaps this will be easier than I had thought,” he pondered. Pocketing the goblin’s dagger, he made his way onwards.
Having taken barely 3 steps forward, he chanced upon another sleeping form, this time a hobgoblin (hobgoblin def.: A goblin wearing hobnail boots). Here though his sneaky stealthiness failed him, and the hobgoblin woke with a shout.
A great and terrible battle followed, but Binkle Splurf was ultimately triumphant (though he did need to rest and regain his strength afterwards).
Having recovered, he set off once more, scuffling briefly with some bats and hobgoblins, before rounding a corner to find:
A fellow kobold and his pet newt. Unfortunately, this kobold did not take kindly to Binkle Splurf creeping up on him, and attacked with a ferocity that left our poor protagonist fighting for his life. Out of desperation, Binkle Splurf opened his pack, took out the mysterious potion he had found lying in a shadowy corner of the dungeon, and quaffed it all in one go…
Oh joyous day! Oh luck! It was a potion of heal wounds; the best possible potion if you’re bleeding from multiple nasty wounds. Biff! Stab! Gouge! With renewed vigour, Binkle Splurf made short work of his traitorous countryman and his newt, and stole his dagger as a reward.
Feeling like a proper adventurer, our brave young kobold made his way through the dungeon, looting and stabbing as he went, getting stronger and more confident with each battle.
Even this encounter with an unruly band of 4 monsters couldn’t slow him down. Within no time he had explored the entire level and was ready to descend yet further into the dungeon. Taking a quick look at the loot he had collected…
…he decided to have a go at identifying those two mysterious scrolls, and with some trepidation, read them aloud.
So, a scroll of detect curse and something still unidentified. Not the most useful of results, but undeterred, Binkle Splurf descended the nearest stairs and continued his quest.
…Only to suddenly and for no reason shout out loud, waking a nearby worm. Switching to his homemade blowgun, he tried to slow the creature with some well placed poison needles, but the beast still managed to take a chunk out of him before it turned tail and tried to flee. Enraged by his wounds though, Binkle Splurf chased it down and stabbed it in the back like the worm it was.
In no time he had explored this level too, and descended once more to the next level, only to come face to face with…
An altar to Jiyva surrounded by 4 jellies and a quokka. Panicked, he ran straight back up the stairs, luckily only followed by the quokka. Dispatching the clumsy marsupial, he set about finding another way down.
Only to get into a misjudged fight with a giant frog, which promptly swallowed him whole…
The stupid kobold’s possessions when he died:
(this was a fairly short, pretty stupid run of crawl; most runs last longer and feature more interesting sights like that Jiyva altar)
Lonesome Monsters 